Silence

Whoever said silence is golden, was correct. My mouth is my greatest enemy. Sometimes the devil just gets in there and words spew out without even thinking. Ugggh. My constant prayer and scripture is Psalms 141: 3

Set a guard over my mouth, Oh Lord, keep watch over the door of my lips.

Oh how I pray to think before I speak. Words are so permanent and so scarring that we as humans (even more so as women) use them as a weapon. A way to make ourselves feel better about some insecurity. For years I have told middle school girls "oh she just says that to make herself feel better" and then I catch myself, knocking someone else down so that I look better. To who. Certainly not to God. He never intended words to be hurtful.

Alas, words are hurtful. And they burn an impression into your soul and start to define you. Hurtful words from another person start to make me question myself, my own integrity, my own good intentions. So why would I dare to think of doing the same to someone else?

So to any of you that are my friends, family, strangers who read this blog for comedic relief, I ask that you join me in my prayer.

Lord, please hold my tongue except when sharing your glory or in comforting. May all of the words I speak and actions I portray be done to the glory of you. Please set a guard over my mouth, do not let the Devil near these precious lips of yours. Allow my mouth to sing only of your glories and to proclaim your greatness. I know I am still a work in progress and that you are not finished with me yet. Let my lips seep forth only kind words of comfort, friendship, peace and love. 

Amen. 

As you go about your day. Remember words hurt, start wars, and can even kill. Chose your words closely. I know I will. 

Sleep

Ahhhh, sleep. I have never felt so tired in my entire life. After a wonderful date night with the love of my life Sat. night, I could not sleep. So at 3 A.M., I was still wide awake. So I vowed Sunday morning not to take my ritualistic Sunday afternoon nap (yes that is in the Bible, 1 Opinions) Anyhow, I kept my afternoon busy, lunch with the family, shopping for VBS, running errands, and then met everyone else at church at 6:00.

As I was sitting in my Sunday night ladies class (thank goodness for these ladies, they are amazing) it hit me. I was exhausted. I yawned thirty times in 45 minutes, I thought for sure as the boys and I went to the car that I would pass out the moment I walked in the door. No such luck.

Dinner had to be made. Check. Boys needed to be put to bed. Check. Finally, love of my life (LOML) and I could go to bed. We get to bed. Thirty minutes pass, an hour, two hours, oh no...not again.

Finally around 11:00 I must have drifted off. I awoke this morning feeling very well rested and with an amazing need to get things accomplished. Add to it the fact that the boys (who usually wake up at 6AM) slept until 7:30 and 8:30. Whew. Peacefulness. We are all well rested.

So why is it that I can't sleep. My eternal weakness, worry. I lay in bed at night worrying about things that are not important. Sometimes I think I lay in bed worrying about worrying. I know I shouldn't. I know it is not in my control, yet I continue down the path of worry.

Matthew 6: 25-27
 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Oh Lord help me to put my trust in you.  As Max Lucado said, "No one can worry and pray at the same time." Tonight I will say my prayers, cast my worries aside, and sleep.

Home

As my incredible hands on father of a husband had brought the boys home from breakfast this morning, the conversation turned to the future and he said, "I can't wait to see what you boys will be like in 20 years." To which W, the free spirit, proclaims "I will still be living here!" For those of you not sure of your math, that would make him 25 and living at home....I don't think so!!!!

That got me thinking about the future. Home. One of the earliest newlywed, pre-child fights my husband and I had was about me referring to my parents house as home. Apparently I did it quite frequently...after church, "do you wanna go home with my parents for lunch?" What was a simple concept in my mind--my childhood home, safe place, memory maker---was not really home anymore. Home was the small cabin on the Harpeth river where we honeymooned for a year. 

Now as I am older, and not any wiser. I realize that Home really is where your heart is and my heart is in this messy, house that myself and 4 boys (including a 100lb lab) live in. And when I say live, I don't mean that we reside here....no we LIVE here. Home is where you let your hair down and goodness knows we let our hair down a lot in the land of O.  No it is not ever as clean as I would like it to be, yes we need new floors desperately, yes it needs work, but NO it probably won't ever be on the tour of homes...why because I want my kids to feel comfortable in this house and we spend a lot of time as a family in this house. I refuse to spend tons of time doing things working on the house that separate us from our children more than they already are. You see we are both working parents. Time at home with our boys is precious time, time we savor, long for and thoroughly enjoy. So when "the free spirit" is 25 and living back at home with us, he can paint the front porch, put new floors in, and whatever else needs to be done at that time. Because, as the last line of a poem from my mom's house read when I was growing up,

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow

For children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep
I'm playing with my children and children don't keep

Psalm 27:3 Sons are a Heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him

So rather than polishing silver, I will polish the rewards the Lord has given me. I will embrace them, spend time with them, punish them, play with them, but most importantly I will LOVE them for they are a most precious gift from the Lord and they are what makes this House a HOME.  

Lazy Saturday

So, I don't mean to brag...but my husband rocks! Every Saturday, he wakes up early and takes the boys to breakfast allowing me to sleep in, have some alone time, and sleep in some more. It is such a gift. After about an hour they all return home and the craziness, loudness, and chaos resumes but for that hour or so I can just BE STILL.

Psalm 46:10--Be still and know that I am God.

How often in life do I actually take that time? Not often enough. And how do I teach my children to be content with being still? In this computer crazed, video game, iPhone world in which we live, being still is not easy. Taking the time to embrace the silence of a not so silence world is not an easy task, but as Christians I believe that we are called to do just that. We must rise to the challenge and find time to BE STILL.

Summer

Well although school has been out for weeks, my summer officially started on Monday and by Thursday, I am already remembering why it is that I am a working mom.

Don't get me wrong, it is not that I don't love my kids. I do. I just don't do good with down time and neither does my oldest. We both seem to function better on a schedule, yet summer begs to be un-schedulable. Down time just gives him time to get in trouble and me time to want to be lazy. How do we find balance, how do we make it work, how do we survive the next 6 weeks?

The Bible seems to have many things to say about time but my favorite has always been in Ecclesiastes 3
1. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2. A time to be born, and a time to die; and a time to pick up what has been planted; 3. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6. A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7. A time to mend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; 8. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

How do I teach my son to take the down time we have been given in the summer and simply enjoy it, embrace it and allow God's purpose to unfold? How do I continue to push myself to be the example God wants me to be, to take this time and just enjoy, embrace, and allow them to be little.